I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
