I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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