It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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