She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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