Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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