This girl is more easily done than said...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
