Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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