maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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