He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
