She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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