Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
