I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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