watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
