weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
