if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
