I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So much rum. So many feels.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
