Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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