You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
