If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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