im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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