PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
