Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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