apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
the gays at disneyland are vicious
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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