What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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