sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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