stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
