Apparently you make a good broom.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
