We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
