Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
