Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
