Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
