do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
And then he peed in my hair
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