you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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