how can u be prego again
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Randomize
