He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I believe in your delicious
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
