i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
