As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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