Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
