I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Your dad touched me again.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
