Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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