One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
you never un-have a 4some
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
