Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
