No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
