just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize