i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Jerry, you need to find god
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
