I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
