I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
