so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
