she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
