Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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