She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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