He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
