Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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