Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
even my farts smell like vagina
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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