She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
