Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize