woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
