My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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