Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
