Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
