There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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