Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize