Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
