this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
