Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
