so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
