According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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