Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
