What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
