She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
